MICROSOFT ANNOUNCEMENT
  
It has recently come to our attention that a few copies of the
UK/North-East version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been sold
outside the Newcastle metropolitan area. Users who have one of the
Newcastle editions may need help with some of the commands. The Newcastle
edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen.  It reads
"Windaz 98" with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed
on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge.  It is bundled with the Brown Ale
screen saver.

Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labelled 'shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'how te fook aboot wi the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'

Other Features:
OK = alreet
cancel = fook that
yes = aye
no = nee fookin' chance
find = gan gerit ya fooking sel'
goto = owa there
help = ah cannit dee it
stop = divvent move
start = hadaway and shite
settings = settins
programs = stuff that daes stuff
personal folder = me shite

Also note that Windaz 98 does not recognise capital letters, punctuation
or most conventional English syntax

Some programs that are exclusive to Windaz 98:

tiperiter = word processor
cullarin book = graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
dole = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by postcode and price of Brown Ale
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer



www.billos.net