new rhyming slang...

1. beeriod (n). Weekly malady suffered by men after a night on the pop.
Symptons include headache, moodyness and a bloated stomach. "Leave me alone,
woman, my beeriod started this morning."

2. beer monkey (n). A mythical simian creature which, during a drunken
slumber, sneaks into your bed, ruffles your hair, steals your money and
shits in your mouth.

3. beer mugger (n). The man you discover has hit you over the head and taken
£35 out of your wallet the morning after you "nip out for a couple of pints".

4. bongo mag (n). Rhythm literature, spangle book.

5. Bugner's eye (n). Flapless female genitalia, resembling Joe Bugner's
closed-up eye in any fight he's ever had.

6. butterface (n). A woman with a great figure, but the face of a darts
players' wife. From the phrase "A good body, but her face...".

7. change at Baker Street (v). During intercourse, to decide to play the
b-side. From the only station on the London Underground where it is possible
to change from the Pink Line ( Hammersmith & City ) to the Brown Line Bakerloo ).

8. cheapies (n). Schoolboy sexual thrills. "Miss Pollard bent down to pick
up the chalk giving William his cheapies." ( from 'William stirs below' by
Richmal Compton ).

9. clown's pie (n). A very, very wet fanny. "Finding ourselves alone in the
shooting lodge at Balmoral, Her Majesty bade me descend to her lady garden.
After 50 years of widowhood, I found her to be considerably aroused. It was
like being hit in the face with a clown's pie". (From "The memoirs of Queen
Victoria's Ghyllie" by John Brown ).

10. cock lodger (n). A bloke who lives in his bird's house without paying
rent. 

11. cones are out (euph). ie, only one lane in use. ragweek.

12. dangermouse (n). a tampon.

13. docker's tea break (sim). Descriptive of something very long. "Oh, what
a tiny little man", laughed Veruca Salt as she saw the Oompah Lumpah. "He
may be small", cautioned Mr. Wonka as he turned briskly on his heel, "but
he'll have a cock as long as a docker's tea break.") From 'Charlie and the
chocolate sandwich', by Roald Dahl.

14. fancy wank (v). To use an ugly bird's fanny to save wear and tear on
your hand.

15. full English breakfast (n). A very untidy vagina that is frankly too
much to face first thing in the morning.

16. Glasgow salad (n). chips.

17. jizziotherpay (n). A three minute one-handed massage that relieves
stiffness for up to half an hour.

18. pisshead's labourer (n). a barman.

19. rantallion (n). 18th c. One whose shot pouch is longer than the barrel
of his fouling piece.

20. shaking like a flatpack wardrobe (sim). descriptive of the female
equivalent of vinegar strokes.

21. slag wellies (n). Knee-high boots.

22. snatch patch (n). a feminine hygiene product.

23. spam butterfly (n). a finger assisted close-up pink shot in a bongo mag.

24. stroke the dog through the letterbox (euph). to slide your hand down the
front of a lady's knickers.

25. woodpecker (n). a woman who performs rapid, hands-free horatio. From the
movement of the bird's head as she hammers your trunk.

26. world of leather (n). the parts of an aged lady. Granny's oysters.

27. yummy mummy 1.(n). A middle-aged woman worthy of a good seeing to, eg.
Helen Mirren. 2.(n). A young mother with a fantastic arse pushing a buggy.



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