NEWSPAPER ADS The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FREE PUPPIES: PART COCKER SPANIEL - PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FREE PUPPIES: PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT. BEEN OUT AWHILE. BETTER BE REWARD. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 MAN. 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - - $850/offer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - AMANA WASHER $ 100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE. ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger. 1 3-finger. PAIR: $15 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TICKLE ME ELMO. STILL IN BOX. COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG 5L AUTO. EXCELLENT CONDITION $ 6,800. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - COWS. CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK .. $ 2,000. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT .. $ 15. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - SOFT AND GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FREE 1 CAN OF PORK AND BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS ( 6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN ) - $ 50. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - NORDIC TRACK $ 300. HARDLY USED. CALL CHUBBIE. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 ? BOTTLES OF BEER. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - NICE PARACHUTE NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FREE FARM KITTENS: READY TO EAT. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $ 100. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $ 9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $ 7 - $ 9 PER HOUR. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $ 175. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - JOINING NUDIST COLONY ! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $ 300. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $ 1.99 box. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $ 2.09 lb. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $ 1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - www.billos.net