Romance Rules!


Dear You,
 
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.
                 
Rule # 1 : Do something she likes and you get points.
Rule # 2 : Do something  she dislikes and points are subtracted.
Rule # 3 : You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
                 
Here is a guide to the point system:
                 
1.Simple Duties
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You make the bed................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.......0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-1
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.......+5
In the snow.....................................................+8
But return with beer............................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night........................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something.............+5
You pummel it with a six iron..................................+10
It's her pet...................................................-10
                 
2. Social Engagements
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You stay by her side the entire party.............................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a 
college drinking buddy...........................................-2
Named Tiffany....................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer..............................................-6
Tiffany has implants.............................................-8
                 
3.Her Birthday
---------------------
You take her out to dinner.......................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+1
Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team...............................-10
                 
4. A Night Out With The Boys
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Go out with a pal...............................................-5
The pal is happily married......................................-4
Or frighteningly single.........................................-7
And he drives a Mustang........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)..................-15
                 
5. A Night Out
---------------------
You take her to a movie.........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate................................+6
You take her to a movie you like................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3..........................................-3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans..........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..........-15
                 
6. Your Physique
--------------------
You develop a noticeable potbelly..............................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to 
get rid of it..................................................+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans 
and baggy Hawaiian shirts .....................................-30
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too".................-800
                 
7. The Big Question
---------------------------
She asks, "Do I look fat?" You hesitate in responding.........-10
You reply, "Where?"...........................................-35
Any other response............................................-20
                 
8. Communication
-------------------------
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression......................... 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes........+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV ..+100
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............-20



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